31 October 2012

Nothing Special...Just Halloween

Since I need a break today, and I need to post before tomorrow so I can beat the record for number of posts on my blog in a month this year, you get this.  It's nothing special (as indicated by the title).  The other day my student teacher had the students write how-to paragraphs...looking for topic sentences, supporting details, transitions, etc.  Quite a few didn't know what to do, so I quickly penned this draft of roughness on the whiteboard.  Besides, it fits the season.



Zombie Attack Instructions (Bat Style)
                When attempting to slay a zombie, you must first possess the correct equipment.  Traditionally, shotguns, machetes, or axes have been used; however, any weapon with the power to sever the tie between brain and spine will suffice.  A Louisville Slugger is my personal preference. When you are ready, and the target is within striking distance, you must swing with the intent to dislodge the head from the soldiers.  Watch the bat rush through the target.  Follow through with both hands firmly attached to the bat so you do not lose your weapon and so you are ready to inflict either a counterblow or an initial strike the next zombie.  Be careful not to hitch or loop your swing as it will overexpose your flank to a side attack.  Short, compact swings work more effectively than wild tomahawk or golf swings.  Once your perimeter has been breached, though, and you are about to be overwhelmed, run.

I'd appreciate if somebody else continued the series, addressing the proper handling of other apocalypse-containment weapons.

29 October 2012

Found Poetry Back to Haunt You

This past Saturday my (friend and) colleague Chris Thompson and I presented a workshop at the CUWP mini-conference at BYU.  And I believe that I speak for the entire (small) contingency who attended that it was time well spent, even though it was on a Saturday morning.  I'm just going to graciously omit the details regarding the fact that we had to share the building with a BSA merit badge pow-wow.  Boy, did it reek of eleven-year-olds!

In our session, we discussed how found poetry functions as a means to helping students overcoming their trepidations regarding poetry or writing in general as it provides a structured (relatively) safe environment.  Found poetry allows you to manipulate others' words without having to pull them out of the air on your own.  More about found poetry can be found in an earlier post (see 17 April 2011).

We reviewed the basics and then delved into variations on our theme.  One awesome method that Chris brought to the table centered around "black-out" poetry.  Check out this video if you don't know what I'm talking about.  It's quite challenging, especially if you are working with younger students, and you want them to be coherent.

I also talked about spine poetry, which I will explain more in depth in a day or week or fortnight or month or so.

At the end of the time slot, we allotted time for the participants to play with the different methods of found poetry.  Of course, I had to play along.  Below is my contribution to the ever-expanding world of found poetry.  It started out as a black-out, but evolved into more of a traditional found poem.  Regardless of its hybridization, here it is:



“Essential Tips for Struggling Writers (and the Utah Jazz)”

To stay out of trouble,
you must
change
at some point.

After
last year…well…
it’s a problem.

You have
to work to
improve.

For now,
witness firsthand
how some the best are
intent on improving:

Come with a sense of purpose,
display vision.

Communicate better
with slimmed-down
muscled-up
versatile play.

Make
transition and contrast
big.

Produce
what’s real for you;
show glimpses
of
who you are.

Be a little patient,
be willing
to step up,
buy in.

With this mindset,
change.

Add confidence.

Because of the way
you work,

you take your game
to a whole new level.

Fans will notice.


from “Jazz have bigger goals after bolstering weaknesses” by Lynn DeBruin. Daily Herald. 25 October 2012.

19 October 2012

Zombies Revisited (2012 Style)

It's official. The SFJHS annual zombie haiku contest is back and the hordes are picking up steam (and discarded organs).  Here are my contributions as I wrote examples for my classes this year:




first period class—
perfect imitation of
mindless zombie horde

counting on fingers
reminds zombie children not
to play with their food

splitting up with your
zombie girlfriend gives a new
meaning to heartbreak

don’t mistake zombies
for wand’ring teenage trick-or-
treaters at your door

fast food zombies love
finding the surprise inside
happy meals for lunch!

some uncouth zombies
pick their teeth with fingernails
still attached to hands

civilized zombies
remember when slurping to
extend their pinkies

defense weapons? ha!
think your guns will save you from
the apocalypse?

“you think you’re scared now?”
grunted zombie at the door
“wait till I get in”

Louisville Slugger
by the nightstand for robbers?
nope. zombie attack

zombies smell the fear
and can’t wait to taste the sweat
running down your neck

writing more zombie
haiku leaves my brains empty;
at least I’m safe now

kidney. liver. spleen.
anatomy lesson? nope
zombie lunch buffet

LMFAO—
(ev’ry day I’m shuf-fl-in’)
zombies in disguise

endless hours of
console preparation just
creates more zombies

vacant expressions
while mindlessly texting help
blend with zombies

These last two came after the zombies had already relieved me of my brains.  Moan.

18 October 2012

Introducing Average Joe (of Joe Average Writer)

Several people have asked where the name Joe Average Writer came from.  I think I can pinpoint an specific job interview as the conception of my moniker.  The final question, as asked by the assistant manager Charlie (who, as I came to find out was a wonder doofus and breaker of pretty girls' hearts), went something along the lines of "So...what makes you stand out from the average Joe?"  He then proceeded to toss his black wavy hair and laugh at his own joke.

Apparently, the applicant after me, Shannon (who was also hired), overheard that last part and spread it around school.  Fast-forward to...um...yesterday.  I was writing an introduction about myself for an online independent study class that I am rewriting, and I decided to play off my name and who I am.



               I have always suffered from an identity crisis.  From the time I was old enough to think for myself, I wanted to be everything: a policeman, an explorer, a baseball player, a zoo keeper, a restaurant owner, even a lyricist.  I wanted to be the best.  And so I dabbled…in just about everything (and that’s almost not a hyperbole).  I ran from one activity to the next, always wanting to play a part, always wanting to be included, like that little puppy that just wants to sniff every hand swinging down the sidewalk.     
                So it seems only natural to dub myself a Renaissance Man—adept at anything I attempt.  Right?  I do it all: language, math, science, arts, philosophy, even video games.  Well, there’s  kind of a problem.  My lack of focus contributed to my lack of mastery of any one particular field.  And so, I am the understudy, the runner –up, the honorable mention.   I don’t excel in anything—sports, cooking, writing, music, intelligence, crocheting (not that I’ve ever really wanted to), or anything that I can think of.  I’m not a mechanic or a computer tech geek.  My wit isn’t the sharpest, and neither is the #2 pencil I sketch with from time to time.  I’m your average Joe.
                Instead of a Renaissance Man, I guess I am the Joe-of-all-trades, master of none.  With my lack of ability to be the lead, the starter, the headliner, there is no way I could ever hold court with the likes of Leonardo or Michelangelo, unless we’re talking about ninja turtles, and even then only if we’re talking pizza consumption. 
                I never became everything I dreamed of as a kid.  I became more: a teacher, a coach, a father, a cook, a writer, a well-rounded human being, and I’m not just talking about my waistline.  I still don’t steal the show, but I don’t have to.  Even though I’m not the best at everything, I still make a difference.

Sort of fitting, don'tcha think?  Since the inception of being an Average Joe (or 'better than the average...' or 'rougher than the average...' or 'smarter than the average...'--you get the idea) it's floated along with me.  When I worked at The Brick Oven in Provo, there was a kid named Chris whose greatest delight was hearing himself talk.  And he loved more than anything to make up "Yo Mama" jokes.  Those of you with good inferencing and predicting skills already see that this led to "Joe Mama" jokes (none of which ever made any sense, by the way).  This inadvertently led to servers asking for "Joe Mama's Special of the Day" and would actually introduce it to a select group of customers that way.  It stuck.

The wordplay part of me loves the play on "Joe" and the colloquial "Yo'" part, not to mention the obvious pronoun reference in espanol.  And so, when creating this blog three years ago for the National Day on Writing, I incorporated it with my love for writing.  But like my short introductory snapshot states, I'm not the best.  I never will be.  And I'm okay with that...as long as I can make some kind of a difference.  The microscopic few who are still reading at this point are some evidence of that.  So thank you for validating who I am, especially those whom I torment on a regular basis.

08 October 2012

Conference Plugs

Despite not being on my A-game for my presentation, the UCTE annual conference turned out well.  I'm going to use parts of it later in various premeditated posts, but as I am simply rambling right now and building up to a shameless plug, I'm going to leave the details for later.  However, if you missed out on the wonderful keynotes by Francisco Stork, Teri Lesesne, Shannon Hale, and Taylor Mali, I'm sorry.  I will say that all of them just upped their book sales, though.  I believe most of the break-out sessions will soon be available on the UCTE site, but I don't know when that will be or who will have access.  Try it, though.  You never know what gems you might find.  I would suggest skipping mine, though.  There are several technical difficulties to be ignored.  I recommend just reading the article.  (See earlier posts.)

If you want some good professional development--Englishly speaking, or course--join me at the CUWP min-conference on October 27th at BYU (9-12 a.m.).  It's cheap and worth your time. See the CUWP site for more details.  I am going to present a session with Chris Thompson about how to help students discover/develop their own voice through found poetry.
I think I'll post a little writing every so often...some polished...some rough. And I welcome any comments or criticisms or cupcakes you care to throw my way.