A Darker Side of Emily

I like that title. Actually, I think I'll use it as a warm-up inspiration. Most who know my opinions of Emily Dickinson, and my "love" of mocking her and her style and her life (mostly those who took AP English with me waaaaaaaay back when Mr. M was diagnosed with cancer and we had that one really witchy sub while he was out for chemo). The aforementioned side-noted substitute worshipped the depressed ground that Dickinson false-hopefully walked on. All I could muster were C- papers that revealed my true interpretations of her poems. She was affronted that anyone could not adore Miss Spinsterly Recluse and her mastery of the language.

Now, before any of you send exploding hate mail, I must say that Emily could write; it just doesn't do anything for me. Then again, I don't think I was her target audience. However, I have now found another use for her.

At the CUWP reunion today, Chris Crowe presented something that I hold dear to my poetic heart--parody. I already have my students write one or two each year, but the exercise today of taking a famous poem and changing it hit home. Yes, this is Bad poetry, but it gets my juices going.
So, for the next while, whenever I need to loosen the joints and get the muse flowing through my veins (after feeding her), I am going to apply my mad zombie parody skills to none other than Emily Dickinson. I think it will be especially helpful (like right now) when I am supposed to be constructing a research paper (Barf!). And when I'm done with Miss Emily, or I get bored with this fad, I'll collect them and publish them under the title "A Darker Side of Emily" and play off the zombie-obsessed culture we live in.

If you have any zombie ideas, or requests as to which poem I parody next, send a shout out, and I'll work on it. I'm also open to other ideas for Bad poetry.

Here is the first installment (inspired by "If I Can Stop One Heart from Breaking"):

If I can't keep your heart from breaking,
I shall just eat your brain;
If it means my blood lust slaking,
or easing hunger pains,
or keep my rank-mouth slobberin'
upon your neck again,
You shall not die in vain.